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25 EPIC MOVIES FOR APRIL SHOWERS

  • April 4, 2019
  • Tips
  • By: Ben Hitch

A rainy afternoon can certainly be a deterrent to the day’s plans, though at the same time it somewhat gives the okay for you to fall into your favored corner of the couch. It doesn’t matter what you did the night before, and it doesn’t matter what you’re doing the next day, the rain has crushed your dreams of summited peaks and bayside micheladas. It’s a time-honored tradition where all rules fly out the door, Totinos Pizza Rolls hit the microwave and the greased over volume button really starts to shimmer. So, where does this leave you?

It depends on when you start your mission, but hopefully, you have one or two things to deter you from knocking out all six original Star Wars movies or the LOTR trilogy. With the options from Roku, AppleTV, FireStick, and On Demand offering a library far greater than any Blockbuster could ever stock, it begs the question to where you even begin to start your search for the coveted lazy afternoon flick? But really… you start here, right here with 25 classics that if you haven’t seen, today is the day.

 

Fifth Element

The future? Maybe—but probably not. But where else can you find Bruce Willis holding onto every last strand of his vanquishing hairline while he drives around a flying taxi on the brink of intergalactic warfare, trying to save the world from total destruction with the Fifth Element – an out of this world, what wet dreams are made of Milla Jovovich.

 

Twister

Before there was Sharknado, there were ‘real’ life storm chasers, running down the elusive F5. There is debris, mashed potatoes with steak from Aunt May’s backyard cow and a barn, seemingly home to the Grim Reaper’s tools. It’s raining outside, it’s hailing on the TV, and this classic will have you analyzing local NOAA.gov radars instead of texting and driving as the first sight of a funnel breaks from the sky.

 

Alien vs Predator

Really the only thing better than Alien vs Predator would have been Sigourney Weaver vs Arnold Schwarzenegger. But as far as Sunday afternoon sci-fi thrillers, a battle of an invisible-infrared-dreadlocked man-beast vs a multi-mouthed, stomach-impregnating, space snake, this truly is the SuperBowl of space war… on our planet earth.

 

Jurassic Park

Man vs Dinosaur

 

Shawshank Redemption

Man vs The Man

 

Independence Day

Man vs Alien

 

Speed

Oh sweet, sweet, Keanu. How thrilled we are to have you, and that Johnny Utah and Ted shaped your expertise and character for this role. At no less than 50 mph, you found the strength to fight off a crazed ex-cop and keep a city bus full of innocent L.A. citizens relatively safe on their morning commute. Nitro Circus should be adding you to their world tour with your dedication to bus jumping. And where there is greatness, there is a sequel.

 

Shaolin Soccer

To say this epic was a combination of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Ladybugs would not be too far off. And when you add the courage and bond of five brothers seeking revenge for their fallen master and a $1 million cash prize, simply, there is no way a soccer field can control the antics of this cult classic. It’s just so terribly far fetched, you can’t look away – a true testament to a rainy afternoon classic.

 

Romancing the Stone

A mere 35 yrs ago, a famed romance novelist is thrown into the jungle and finds herself at the mercy of her money hungry mercenary ‘tour’ guide. Past the huge snakes, ransom orders, treasure maps, a downed plane carrying heaps of marijuana and a race against time, would you ever guess the two unlikely soles find their own love?

 

Mighty Ducks

“Quack…quack..quack..Quack.”

 

The Sandlot 

“You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” – Ham

 

Heavyweights

“Congratulations, you’ve just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity.” – Tony Perkins

 

Out Cold

Rotten Tomatoes gave this winner 8%, but don’t read into the stats because this is a back pocket gem. As one of Zach Galifianakis first movies, he and his group of misfit friends fight off The Man and the scare of mega millions taking over their Alaskan ski bum way of life. Not to mention it has one of the best beer inspired monologues of all time, an incident with a jacuzzi jet and the early 2000’s bombshell Victoria Silvstedt. And if you have that one friend that is always enjoying himself a little too much at the bar, you’ll certainly be walking away with a few ideas of what to do to him next time he passes out.

 

Days of Thunder

Do you watch Nascar for the sole purpose and hopes of the big pile up on Turn 4? It’s okay, you can admit it, we do too. And with a handful of big crashes, the story of Top Gun is reimagined on the race track through the eyes of a wild and untamed rookie driver. It’s a high speed, left turn enthused, action-packed film with all the right drama. And just as Maverick did in the air, Cole finds friendship and restored honor from an initial enemy—while driving a MelloYellow sponsored stock car.

 

Backdraft

Only a certain few can step to the role of a firefighter. When a Chicago based crew gets involved in a government conspiracy, a series of destructive fires bring a reckoning no one was ready for with the added bonus of massive explosions and fire trucks to keep you sunk in the couch. This is one to stop, drop and roll into your Sunday afternoon with a big bowl of Firehouse Chili. And remember, if the doorknob is hot, DO NOT open the door.

 

Half Baked

You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill… on weed? Oh, there’s some crazy shit, man. There’s a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.”  – Enhancement Smoker

 

Blazing Saddles 

You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.” – Jim

 

Airborne 

“Stylin-Perfect session A-frame perfect wave busting out 360 backbone something I like to call a Liquid-drano wannabe bullwinkle other than that give me a couple bean burritos and maybe some otter pops and I’ll be a happy camper.” – Mitchel Goosen

 

Drumline

If you went to school in the South or maybe your school just had a stellar band program, then you know all about the drumline. But, if you need help turning up the snare in your headphones, this is Nick Cannon’s best work. HaHa. Yeah, it does star Nick Cannon, but you’re guaranteed to get behind the stunning stick work of the real musicians. But if you need some more convincing, the Indianapolis Colts reenacted the final drum score with a touchdown celebration. Oh, and Petey Pablo performs during halftime at the final showdown… because he was relevant once.

 

Coming to America

This movie may have been played on Sunday afternoons more than any other with the help of TNT, TBS, and TCM. But if it never came across your rabbit ears, this is an Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall comedy with an onslaught of Soul Glo’d stained furniture. It’s a riches to rags and back to riches story with a full studded cast of greats. It’s an untold story of a King from a distant land, moving into a studio apt in search of love. And after this 120min,  you will find yourself running out the door to a McDowells for a burger.

 

Hook

Besides the sun, the second star to the right has got to be just as infamous. And with Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Smee and the Lost Boys calling it home, maybe NASA should be reconsidering their efforts of getting us to Mars. And as we all know the story of Peter Pan, this Disney classic brings a twist as we are introduced to grown-up Pan and the realities of adult life before Hook comes sailing back for revenge. It takes you back to your early teen years on an adventure of imagination filled with food fights, crowing like a rooster, a human bowling ball, one huge crocodile and Ruuu-fi-ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Toodles: “Got to save Maggie, got to save Jack… Hook is back.” Peter: “Who?”

 

Anaconda 

“Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?” – Gary

 

Three Amigos

No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are… The Three Amigos!” – The Amigos

 

Tombstone 

“Tell em the law’s coming. You tell em I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me!” – Wyatt Earp

 

The Fast and the Furious 

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time.” – Dom Toretto

The intent of this list is not to tell you to go and watch these 25 movies without interruption or to divert you from a fifth marathon of the Office, but there is definitely one or two that you have probably forgotten about and need your attention. A movie is meant to entertain and take the mind on a journey away from the routine of life and good or bad, these films won’t leave you lost in the dark if you fall into the deep hole of the Gram or swiping through Tinder. It’s a collection of, most of them, true classics to fill the void of boredom and to get you an hour or so closer to the end of the day, the next meal or through a case of Key Lite. Pick and choose as you like and if you’re feeling crazy, watch a few in a row, but remember to get up and stretch the legs to get the blood flowing at some point—and no, we’re not talking about 10 trips to and from the fridge.

 

EDITOR'S TIPS

The first movie was made in 1888 and was just 2.11 seconds long

If you can’t find any of these to stream, pick the one you have never heard seen or longest span since you last watched it

It’s not on the list, but Avatar is the number one grossing movie of all time—at nearly $3 billion 

In 2004 there were close to 10,000 Blockbusters. Today, there is 1, in Bend, Oregon

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