Life comes at you fast and whether or not you’ve prepared, there is the occasional curveball, slider or hygienic quandary. At some point in the day, you’re going to find yourself in some situation where you might be wishing you had access to a shower and as that’s generally not an option, it’s important to be stocked, and adaptable for the forthcoming tuna sandwich lunch breath or as the pits find a new tributary. The magnitude of your arsenal will vary pending the size your pack’s housing, but whether your vessel is a top right office drawer, glove box or a hidden compartment in shoulder slung work bag, there are a few items that should be deemed a necessity… that is if you plan on escaping a close encounter with that special someone or are pulled into an unscheduled meeting as the little hand nears 5pm.
Let’s lay it out… the morning starts like any other with a shower, a good teeth brushing, a couple of fingers running through your hair and a good lacquering of the antiperspirant, maybe grabbing a quick bite of leftovers and you’re out the door. Great, grand, beautiful. So, here comes the tricky part. You know you’re going to be out all day, maybe working, and then you’ll be joining the squad for a late happy hour followed by who knows what. There isn’t going to be time to head home in between work and play, so you’ll need to rely on your trusty purity pouch. You should always have it with you or nearby, regardless if it stays stationary tucked away in your cubicle or hiding under the passenger seat of your car… you need to be prepared to fend off any sort of stank until you get home, where a proper shower awaits.
You don’t and shouldn’t pack your emergency kit like you’re going on a week-long trip. This is the bare essentials, to get you from driver seat to bar stool without any concern to what aroma may have joined your two-step since you left your house. So, what do you pack?
Mouthwash – Whether you pick up the travel size or keep a little squirt bottle filled with your go juice, this is an essential for the last-ditch effort to present yourself without sorrowing faces meeting your first breath. It’s a simple addition for some last minute prepping in the car or in the office bathroom, though not really one to swig at your desk and then spit into your garbage can. One to take note of is the Therabreath IcyMint which claims to fight off the gnar for up to 24hrs. Even it doesn’t make the whole 24, you know you should be covered for the first 20 mins of introduction before you pile a whopping portion of loaded nachos back down the gullet. And even if the guarantees seem to fall short, a swig of mouthwash always leaves you feeling refreshed, especially with the common burn rattling across your taste buds.
Lotion – The hands are important. You are going to be shaking hands, handling foreign objects and maybe getting involved in a little heavy petting. The last thing you want is dry, cracked skin cramping your style. The Bulldog OG is the perfect grab and go moisturizer purposely crafted for quick absorption and leaving your skin looking healthy without the typical greasy dead fish of a hand. And since you NOW keep it handy, there should be no point where sus manos lay the backdrop for scenes to the sequel of Lawrence of Arabia.
Chapstick – Nature can be a cruel enemy, but you can fight back with the right lip ointment. Humidity, long exposure to the sun and an overwhelming amount of tongue guided lubrication can cause your lips to look like the San Andreas fault. You need to be prepared to combat the symptoms and avoid anyone asking if you just returned from a glacier expedition. And you don’t want to walk away with someone saying you tasted like cherry chapstick… Sorry, Katy. But a moisturized set of puckers is great for everyone, especially when you’re using a Facial Fuel with a nonglossy, matte finish. It’s kind of like Tupperware for your lips, protecting them from everything being thrown their way and a locking the precious moisture inside.
Deodorant – You know what happens if you chance leaving the house without it, even if you’ve never stunk before, today will be the day because you went without it. And that’s why you need to keep a stick in the mobile Dopp kit. This is by no means an opportunity to whip out the Vegas Nightclub sponsored Axe to cover any of your growing natural musk, since most will notice the “effort” of aerosol and turn to walk the other direction. The Primal Pit Paste is a surefire backup stick to call on in times of desperate need and at a moments notice. The best of antiperspirants will fail at some point and that’s why you need this pit paste kept on Ready Five with Maverick.
Floss and Bandaids – There is not a whole lot of variation with these two as their intended use is pretty self-explanatory. With floss, we can get into a few different flavors and ingredients of the dental string, but really any roll should be on hand instead wedging a bill or business card between your teeth. One, that is just disgusting and two, nobody wants to see that. If someone is digging through your drawer or glove box, you’re going to want floss with some well-marketed packaging like Knotty Floss, because it looks gangsta and yeah, it gets the job done too.
As far as the bandaids, if something happens, they are good to have around. Most of the time some paper towel and duct tape will get the job done, but occasionally you won’t be rolling solo and where there is hemoglobin, it’s nice to have something damn the bleeding. Yes, keep a few singles of the generic Band-Aids in your kit, but since the adhesive always draws questions of how it came to be, why not cover that little baby, boo boo, bear scrape with some leather and the Hurt Couture. At least this way everyone will be asking where you got the bandage instead of how you cut yourself playing hopscotch.
Mints – Bad breath is the absolute worst, a symptom that can clear a room and leave you twiddling your thumbs all by your lonesome. Much like keeping a small bottle of mouthwash stored away to fight off the odors, a pack of mints is a key supplement to your EDK. Altoids and Mentos are great because everyone knows them, most everybody likes them and having them lying around your car, home or desk doesn’t necessarily imply you’re continually dealing with rank breath. But when you want to keep a tin around with a little more punch and sophistication, reach for the Ginger Mints, filled with a handful of natural ingredients and the power of the Panzer lV. They are delicious, different and certainly lead anyone astray from fearing your halitosis.
Certainly, take the time to build out your own kit and it can be as easy as hitting the travel section at Walgreens or your local grocery store. The important thing is that you recognize that a problem could arise at any moment and having the mindset that you may need a little refresher before the next adventure. Being prepared is what’s important and not letting your body’s natural inhabitants get the best of you. Fight back and all will thank you.