False Idol

OUR ARTICLE

No sacrifice is easy, but if you find yourself running from a tribe of warriors with painted faces, straw skirts, and long and sharp objects, you’ll soon realize that human sacrifice is not what your mom was referring to when she said, “You should sacrifice your own happiness for someone else,” and that on islands with those little wooden tiki statues, yeah, you should probably leave those alone. Fortunately, San Diego is not an island, and luckily, the only sacrifice you’ll have to make is which night you’ll give up to head to Little Italy’s new Tiki Bar, False Idol.

When it comes to booze, get ready to drink your way back to land, because the only way you’re escaping this desert island is with a belly full of rum, a squint in your eye, and a newfound love for pineapples.

Just like a wooden treasure chest full of gold in the Polynesian islands, False Idol is not easy to find. The decked-out tiki bar hides inside of Craft & Commerce and shows its face only to those who believe in its divine capability. A reservation isn’t required, but it is suggested; just think of it as a fast-pass to an intoxicating rollercoaster of a night. After you’ve indulged in a few cocktails and a meal at Craft & Commerce, a hostess will steer your passage through a stainless-steel cooler and into an island full of rum, skulls, and fire.

Once captive, you’ll find skulls mounted on spikes, water flowing from the wall, and the carvings of false idols bordering your compasses every direction. The ceiling is chockablock with hundreds of colorful frosted-glass buoys and spiky puffer fish, giving you the perplexing feeling of looking at the ceiling of the ocean.

When it comes to booze, get ready to drink your way back to land, because the only way you’re escaping this desert island is with a belly full of rum, a squint in your eye, and a newfound love for pineapples. With 36 drinks on the menu, your options will seem boundless. Many of the classics are on the menu, like Navy Grog, Mai Tai, and Singapore Sling.

If you’re feeling friendly, they also have bowls to share. We recommend “Alkala the Fierce,” where chai-infused bourbon meets aged dark rum, vanilla, pimento dram, and orgeat. Think of it as a safe way of using the buddy system, and rest assured that you and a compadre have paid an equal sacrifice to the almighty Tiki God of rum. False Idol offers tableside service, where hand-delivered offerings of tiki mugs fulfill your deepest of cravings. Some of their drinks even have 6oz pours of liquor, so order wisely or you may find yourself on the wrong side of the luau.

Just know that next time you find yourself in need of a crash landing, False Idol is the ideal target. When combining tiki artifacts with rum, you’ve really got nothing to lose. Just ask Robinson Crusoe, Crash Bandicoot, and Jack Sparrow – they each had one hell of an adventure and left behind quite the legend to admire.